Cologne: What are you wearing, Fellas?


My mom got me a bottle of Aqua Velva as a stocking stuffer for Christmas.

I opened up the bottle and smelled it and it reminded me of what old men at the bowling alley smell like.


This, and only this, since I was 20. No good reason other than I smell like a man. Or, like whiskey according to a coworker.



I’m turning this into a perfume thread too, squeeze all the use out of it.

I mostly wear
But I have the Rose, Amethyst, and Earl Grey Nirvana fragrances too. Bourbon is the best one, it’s like a booze soaked sugar cookie in a cedar sauna.

I also wear

which is like if they took Johnson’s baby shampoo and made the scent for a feverish grown up.

I loved this, but they haven’t been manufacturing it for nearly 20 years at this point and sadly the last bottle I bought had a noticeable vinegar smell to it, so I probably need to retire it. Too bad, this was the first perfume I really loved, I saved the sample out of a magazine when I was 15.

I’ve owned A LOT of perfumes. But these are my best loved ones.


In the 2000s, my parents used to go on charter trips and always asked me what I wanted from the tax free shop. I always answered CK deodorants (I have no imagination and thought that Armani made me smell like an old tiger during mating season). They went on a bunch of trips and my stash will most likely keep me covered for another decade or two. So I guess I smell like hipsters used to do in the early 2000s.


If you know someone who smells like a bitch, it’s always Axe Body Spray.


I’m obviously in the minority here but I think colognes and perfumes are rude as all get out.

You’re unnecessarily forcing those around you to imbibe something because of your personal taste.

If I don’t like what someone is wearing, I can look the other way.

If I think someone has too much product in their hair, I can elect not to touch it.

If I am among cannibals and see some dude roasting on a spit, I can elect not to eat him.

If I am sitting in a public park and the guy next to me starts playing a stereo loudly I can move to a different section of the park.


But perfume is the olfactory version of screaming in an elevator except the screaming disappears once that person leaves the elevator.

I’ve always hated perfumes and colognes anyway, but my wife is highly allergic and we’ve had to leave movies because someone who bathed in perfume or cologne decided to treat the entire theater with their bullshit.


Willie’s natural scent is Armor All and Arby’s sauce.

Agree 100% @WillieCash

I only want to smell you if I’m intimate with you. Don’t foist your scent on me.


I felt the exact way until I found the good shit. The good stuff you barely use and most folks don’t smell it until they hug you. If you’re allergic it’s all bad.


Okay, this thread really is the best thing all week.


Same goes for whistling in public.


Perfume and cologne give me a headache so I don’t wear them.

I smell like Gain or my shampoo.


Hell is other people.


For years I worked in a nice Italian restaurant. There’d always be a bus boy or server coming in loaded with cologne.

The owner would say “I want people to come in and smell our delicious food, not your cologne!”


I decided to put a couple dabs of Aqua Velva behind my ears before I went to bowling tonight… afterall I am an old man and i’m bowling.

Maybe I should buy a round of those yummy Aqua Velva cocktails as well?


Just don’t expect @Ely_Plains to make out with you.


I splash that shit on after shaving. I want to smell like a bowler even if I am just headed to Kroger.


Also, once you get into the good stuff there is no cologne/perfume. It’s all unisex.


I dated a girl who wore Aqua Di Gio and that’s when I realized I liked guys too, so…


Versace – Eau Fraiche (my favorite. also women tell me they like it, so bonus points)
Versace – Eros
Versace – Pour Homme
Zum – Frankincence and Myrrh (Zum soap is pretty awesome too)
Dr Sqautch – Sandalwood Bourbon
Manscaped – Refined (I bought this mostly as a joke, but it actually smells quite good. What a terrible company name.)


i’m not a colgne guy

usually just go with aftershave

don’t ask me the brand cause I don’t have it memorized.

i smell just fine