Distance Learning Torture Tactics


Ah I see! For some reason, it’s called crepe paper here. I have no idea why. I never eat tissue paper or pancakes, so have never bothered to look into it.


I call it unicorn kleenex so there’s that.




OK, what is that one—candy cane?


Favorite holiday movie character… she picked the Raskin Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. So I made her a mask out of some construction paper and an Alaskan beer case. Happy Friday!


so cute.


We’ve watched that Rudolph and the Frosty the Snowman x100 this year.


We like Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Who knew Santa was such a sexy ginger?




Who knew that Santa’s erection can illuminate his face?


Ginger Santas get all the chicks!


This whole Rudolph thing is starting to make sense.


Tissue paper.


My daughter said about an hour ago “Why do I have to keep practicing writing my name at the top of the page when I’m so good at it already?”

So I told her not to think about it as practice, but as following instructions because putting your name on your work is the first thing you do when you are following the instructions.

So just now she says to me “Writing my name all day is like being in prison or something.” Lord, you have no idea. So I took this stack of paperwork I had on my fridge and showed her that she would be putting her name on things for the rest of her life. Understandably this did not work.

So she’s like “UHG! I hate having to write my name forever and ever and ever and over and over it’s stupid!” So I went back to the table and told her I understood her frustration. So I reminded her that putting your name at the top of the page is following instructions, then I told her that she could send in her work with no name at the top, but I asked her what she thought would happen when her teacher got it. She said she’d send it back, and yes that’s right. So we should probably just follow instructions the right way the first time.

Then I explained to her that doing something over and over usually means that we can do it faster. I wrote my name for her. I counted out the letters in my first name and was like wow! That’s more letters than you have in your whole name! And she was impressed, by my delivery I’m sure, because frankly writing one’s name quickly is nothing to be impressed with. And I told her that I just bet she would be able to write her name even faster than me some day.

And this is the abridged version of how I spent almost an hour trying to just get my kid to put her name on her worksheets for the third time today. Thank god that baby is asleep.


On the other hand, look at this magnificent piece of art. I’m probably going to frame this.


She just finished her last assignment of the day. Normally done with school by 11am, today just short of 2pm and that’s WITH pickle bribes. No good Winter Break goes unpunished.