I wish I knew how to properly respond to this. If I were in your area I’d wait for you to get through this day and I’d reward you with good bourbon, my company and sharp wit.
Love you nick.
Strongest guy I know.
Git 'er done, son.
love you nick.
you be you. be present and in the moment with them…then allow some time to collapse into puddles.
so fucking sorry man.
Finn’s echocardiogram came back with zero changes from two years ago. He will still require surgery at some point. His mom not being there wasn’t lost on him. He kept remembering his mom holding him while they did it all of the other times. He let me lay by him this time. I held it together as well as I could. The drive there was awful. I was a quiet mess. Being in that building made my heart feel like it was going to explode. I kept thinking to myself “how in the fuck did we get to this place?”
Well done all of you. Glad the news is positive, proud of you.
Good to hear!
I’m glad Finn’s condition hasn’t worsened. I don’t know how you got there. It all seemed to happen so fast. Day by day is all you can do. Good job getting over this tough spot. It’s so much. I hope you find your peace in ways. I wish I could help.
It was such a weird day. I was on high alert. I texted the people that I thought I might run into and begged them to not ask us how we are doing or how we are holding up. Family and friends offered to come with us, but I thought that might freak Finn out. Later I came to the conclusion that I was making it way too much about Kate and me. Oddly enough, what helped me kind of clear the PTSD hurdle was realizing that we could potentially be receiving even more heartbreaking results or news. When I really thought about it, it made the hurdle of getting there and going into that building seem almost trivial. Yes, that building is where this journey with my wife kind of began and very close to where it all ended. But I had to realize that another journey, with possibly similar results, could be beginning. I had to right a lot of shit in my head before we met with the cardiologist. That’s not exactly easy in front of a 7 year old.
I cried when the cardiologist told us the results. I don’t have room for anything else. The doctor asked Finn if he remembered where the treasure chest was. She sent him on his way…and then she had to bring up Kate. I was so close to being able to get out of there without having to talk. Evidently their floor, despite being just one floor above where Kate worked, had just learned of my widow status from my preregistering Finn. The doctor asked me if “that was true?” I quietly told her yes. She asked what happened and mid way through the explanation Finn was back. Thank fucking god.
Thanks for all of the kind words, encouragement and love! It truly does mean a lot to me.
Ugh. All the places my Mom avoided and still does to keep from having to explain everything about her husband. Something seemingly inane as the hairstylist - “haven’t seen your husband in a while…” and then she’s back to square one.
I really feel for you, nick. You’re stronger than you think you are.
Sorry to change the subject, but I’m just watching something on BBC iPlayer about something that I saw first hand in Vancouver last year: how many people are addicted to opioids in the USA and other close areas. I walked down E Hastings St and was simultaneously amazed and appalled about the amount of drug use and homelessness out in the open there. The thing I’m watching is called “Addicted: America’s Opioid Crisis”, and I’m wondering how many of you know personally somebody who’s been affected by it. We don’t have easy access to opioids in the UK, although there’s a raging illegal trade in just about everything if you know where to go. I remember stories that Joel S (of RAA) told me about Ryan doing oxy cut with coke, but I had no real idea what oxy was back then… Now it all makes sense. Never really got the appeal of opiates myself but I can totally see why people do it. A friend of mine suffered severe sexual abuse as a child and he’s never broken free of wanting to self medicate using heroin. It’s sad but he won’t seek any alternatives.
I’m going to guess that every US poster here either knows someone who has had problems with the pills or has died from those problems. Everyone.
I had a close friend overdose on heroin. This was over 10 years ago. I blame the UK and Boyle’s seminal film “Trainspotting.” Just kidding (about the film).
I don’t know anyone now who is struggling with it currently, but I know a psychologist who runs a suboxone group, which is an “opioid partial,” which means it binds to the same brain receptors as opiates, but is not truly an opiate. The group is always full and she thinks it will continue to be.
I’ve had a few friends lose their sons and daughters to opioids. Really heartbreaking stuff.
Hopefully someday we’ll have a government in place that cares as much about it’s people as the almighty dollar. Payoffs to officials get them to look the other way while the pharmaceutical manufacturers and distributers make billions while so many die.
The Fentanyl problem has caused many deaths in the last few years and has become such a huge problem.
I don’t know anyone addicted to opioids as far as I know. Because I work at an art repro place we get a lot of art tributes to young people who have OD’d. They’re always young.
My dad used to steal demerol and other stuff. he’s sober/clean the last 23 years
Several of my friends over dosed in the 90s. I can count 10 plus clients who have passed away due to relapsing. All painkillers scare the crap out of me due to that. I would rather just feel my body/pain.