Fuck Cancer


You know what? That’s a great fucking song. I can still listen to that one because fucker isn’t singing it. So, Beth Orton if you are listening, please cover the Ryan songs I love


First of all, I’m very sorry to hear about this, Nick. I spent many years in hospitals with my oldest daughter who had multiple liver transplants. Have you considered getting a second opinion at a larger medical center, say, MD Anderson or Mayo?


We are definitely going to do that. Even our oncologist suggested as much. Right now we are going to try to shrink this mass and see what can be done after that


an update. I figure cancer updates aren’t any more depressing than reading Meade’s ramblings…

The type of cancer my wife has is almost exclusively seen in men 50-70 years old. She is 38.
Our oncologist has only seen this type of cancer in someone under the age of 45 a few times and never a woman.

We started chemo last Tuesday. We wanted to start Monday, but due to the chemo she needs, that didn’t happen. We were both devastated. When so many things are out of your control, you just want action. Apparently, the type of chemo we need is only available in pill form. Insurance companies like to deal with their own pharmacies and we were told that it’d be at the earliest Thursday before we could start. The oncologist didn’t like this and suggested that we, if we could do it, buy a week’s worth out-of-pocket at $600-$800 a dose (two pills) per day. We told them to order it. Later that day, our insurance called us and said it was approved. The pills would be delivered Tuesday. $10 co-pay.

So we are a week and half into this and at-home chemo sucks. You think pills and you think it’s going to be less harsh. We are learning that’s often not the case. Almost everyone we have talked to that has done chemo pills has asked us if there is a version we could get for her port (that, evidently, we aren’t going to need for chemo now…it’ll still be used for surgery), as the pills have been way harsher on them. So far, that’s what my wife is experiencing. She constantly aches, she’s almost constantly nauseous and in tears. She feels like she was in a car accident. It’s every day. With intravenous chemo, you at least have a few days after treatment or before the next treatment where you feel better. She’s not having “normal” days yet at it’s heartbreaking.

We will still have surgery at some point. This mass has engulfed so much that it’s a certainty. But there is good news. At our last appointment (which are weekly), the doctor told us that we wouldn’t see results for a while. My wife had read that she might have some relief within 4-5 days of starting treatment. He told us that was pretty unrealistic. Twenty minutes later he gave her an exam where he pushed around on the mass. He looks at her and then looks at me. He says, “This doesn’t feel as tented (pointy) as last week.” He pushed around a little more and says “It’s also softer!” He seemed very surprised.

So…we are still working on shrinking this thing. The results have made the pain and nausea more palatable. She feels worse than ever, but she knows it’s not in vain. She sleeps a lot and getting food down her is a struggle. Lots of tears. Surgery will still be required. Our plan is still the same, it’s just in a different order.

If this, or any of my late night post, don’t make sense, please understand that I have prescribed myself whiskey and Xanax.


May your wife continue to have strength, and the cancer subside. Thanks for the update and healing thoughts to you and your loved one. Take care of yourself.


Hang in there you guys.
It’s a nasty battle but your wife will kick its ass!


nick that’s just awful reading what you both are going through, especially this “at home” chemo pill. sounds like hell on earth, so congrats for getting through at least the beginning of phase one. but geezus do i feel for you both.

i was glad to see the happy ending in your last post. the tumor is less tented and less hard now. sounds like the chemo is working. i know it’s a long road but make sure you both stop and smell the roses during times like these… it’s all about small victories.

i’m proud of you for being both a great husband and a great father during these times… it says a lot about a person’s character. keep fighting the good fight. keep being a rock for your wife. sending good vibes your way.


I hope these kind of results continue and you guys can get through this as quickly as possible. I’ll be thinking about you both. :heart:


Squeeze her tight and extend our love Nick. She can do it!


Thank you for the update, Nicko. Can I have the mass once it’s removed? I want to give it to someone in Charlotte as a gift.


Thanks for the update nick
Love and hugs and Sloppy kisses to u and your amazing family


These are the hard times, and we have the stuff to get through the hard times.


Thanks for keeping us in the loop nick, can’t imagine how tough it must be .much love and hugs from down under . xox



Thank you for the kind words, everyone!

My wife started a new nausea medicine that seems to help more. It’s tricky. There are anti-nausea meds, like Phenergan, that would more likely do the trick, but they knock you the fuck out. There are pain pills that would do the trick, but they fuck you up. She’s trying to be as present as possible for the kiddos.

Speaking of kiddos… At my 6-year old’s school, they have this weekly award they give to a kid that showed kindness, fairness etc. It’s called Character Counts. Finn came home and said he won it. He was excited because I told him at the beginning of the year that I would be proud of him if he won it. I told him it means more that he is a kind person than a smart person. (He’s both) When Kate asked him what he did to win, he said it was because of this paper he turned in asking the students what they have done to show kindness or understanding. He wrote that he helps with his brother and sister because his mom has cancer. I cried.


Happy birthday!


Thank you!


Cancer is usually caused by a root of bitterness. That is something spiritual. We can pray for people to be healed. God is very merciful. I will pray for the situation. People can let go of bitterness and take lots of Vitamin C- usually the cancer goes into remission at that point.


wow. dense, racist, insensitive and a fucking moron. nice little package you got there.


I try to be respectful of other people’s beliefs. But, your comment would have been better off kept to yourself. His wife has cancer. I’m pretty sure most people here aren’t going to take kindly to you attributing that cancer to her being a bitter individual. Count me as one of those people. But, I’ll be a little more direct. It was an insensitive, dickish comment. You really should be ashamed of yourself. That is all.


I don’t understand.I’m trying to offer support. Thanks for your comments, but that was just rude. I lost my mother to cancer and she was a very bitter person, and at the end she was able to finally give it up to the Lord. I speak from experience. Cancer is not a pleasant experience. Her death had a great affect on my life.