I need to stay in the big leagues


#1

Y’all don’t understand
I owe too much money
I took out too much debt when I was small

Back in the aughts I was rolling
Taking 100 grand a year
Even though I was only playing small venues
The coke and heroin came from somewhere

I’ve got huge tax liens too
Didn’t care when I was younger
I’m on a payment plan
If I stop it’s off to the pen

Y’all don’t understand
Your favorite singer is almost bald
But he holds it all together with a great wig

To marry that pop star I had to finance the Porsche
Eventually the repo man will come
The cadi is from my daddy who I really knew but lied
I got a big inheritance and blew it when he died

When the royalties stop trickling in I’m through
I never planned on getting old and retiring
I was on a payment plan but man
You get free rent and three meals a day in prison


#2

This could literally have been pulled from a live concert taping when he did those ridiculous, in the moment, insta-songs instead of his own songs.


#3

I seriously wonder if demons are real and if Ryan is possessed.

I jokingly told him once on instagram that he should go to the Church of Scientology and work on removing the body thetans that are infesting him. He responded by blocking me lol

I think Scientology is the only place for him now. He doesn’t realize it but he would get along exceptionally well with those ding bats


#4

Note to Self: Don’t Dianetics
I Sea Org Monsters
Answering Bell Ron Hubbard
E-Meter Plateau
Dear John Travolta


#5

Hubbard was a good man who only wanted to free humanity of their reactive minds. Ryry has an extremely reactive mind. L Ron would have been both perplexed and horrified by Ryan Adams.

He couldn’t afford advanced auditing at this point but he could always sign the 1,000,000,000 year contract and work as an indentured servant toward the bridge to total freedom.

They might even be able to whisk him away to beautiful Clearwater where he’ll be shielded from prosecution.


#6

Ryan is Joaquin Phoenix’s character in The Master


#7

Yeah, but just imagine a one billion-year old Ryan sexting a young 140,000-year old girl. I’m not ok with that.


#8

L. Ron Hubbard just wanted to drink Sanka, not brush his teeth and be a cruise ship captain.


#9

Lol