Joke of the day!


#218

Should read “Why do women…?”

I don’t think women are considered people in Alabama.


#219

A blonde walks into a porno shop and asks, “How much for the white dildo?”

Salesman answers, “$35.”

Blonde: “How much for the black one?”

Salesman: “$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one.”

Blonde: “I think I’ll take the black one. I’ve never had a black one before.” She pays him, and off she goes.

A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks “How much for the black dildo?”

Salesman: “$35.”

Black Woman: “How much for the white one?”

Salesman: “$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one.”

Black Woman: “Hmmm… I think I’ll take the white one. I’ve never had a white one before…” She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, “How much are your dildos?”

Salesman: “$35 for the white, $35 for the black.”

Blonde: “Hmmmmm…, how much is that plaid one on the shelf?”

Salesman: “Well, that’s a very special dildo… it’ll cost you $165.”

Blonde: She thinks for a moment and answers, “I’ll take the plaid one, I’ve never had a plaid one before,” She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy’s boss returns and asks, “How did you do while I was gone?”

To which the salesman responded, “I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165.”


#220

When I was younger, the local priest told me that I was the prettiest boy he’d ever seen.


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I was touched.


#221

I think the in-flight movie for those morons volunteering to fly to Mars should be
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TOTAL RECALL


#222

Rather than Mars Attacks?


#223

Rather than Turner and Hooch?


#224

I was hoping to get this impending sensation across upon arrival.


#225

We will NEVER colonize another planet successfully.


#226

Couldn’t you just have people watch “Take me out to the ball gay” to get the same effect?


#227


#228

I once dated a girl who had a twin.
People kept asking me how I could tell them apart. Easy.

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Jill paints her nails purple. John has a dick.


#229

Ha!


#230

What do you call someone who demands respect but shows none to anyone else?
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Mr. President!


#231

I can only read this in Joy Behar’s voice.


#232

What is the only animal that has the asshole on its back.

The police horse.


#233

What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
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A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.


#234

What’s the difference between a policeman’s truncheon and a magician’s wand?

One’s for cunning stunts and the other is for stunning…


#235

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it’s worth it.


#236

#237