Joke of the day!


#181

What’s long, black and stinky?

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The unemployment line


#182

wvlg6nz2p3kr

Apparently those lines are not in KY, Missouri, WV, or Southern Illinois…


#183

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit…
… The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. “There’s no charge,” he says. “No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” she says. “Honestly, ma’am,” the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. “Then it was just a matter of switching the heads”


#184

Ewwww. :nauseated_face:

But I laughed.


#185

Why does Donald trump take Xanax?

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For Hispanic attacks…


#186

Ha! Stealing this one!


#187

A female golf pro has a cheating husband. They’ve been to therapy, done the work, but he persists seeking out strange women to bang.

One night she finds a stranger’s negligee under her pillow and decides to beat him to death with a golf club. She calls the police to confess her crime.

When the detective arrives and examines the body he says, “She must have hit him over 50 times.”

The self-widowed woman replies, “Put me down for three.”


#188

Ha!


#189

brilliant!


#190

this is awesome


#191

My wife got a new tattoo on her inner thigh.
It’s a seashell. When you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.


#192

George was turning 90 this week and his friends thought of doing something special for him. So they planned to contact a high class Escort service and send him a nice surprise.

On his birthday, around 9 pm, when he was alone at home, the doorbell rang. George thought - who could it be ?

Then the doorbell rang again. He got up and walked up to the door.

As he opened the door, he was greeted by this young bombshell blonde, donned in a sexy little red dress with matching red lipstick and red heels.

As he says Hi,

she replies - Are you George ?

He says- Yes, I am.

She says - I am from SuperSex.

George pauses for a minute.

And then says nonchalantly, I’ll have the soup please.


#193

Nathalie Loiseau, France’s Europe minister, said recently that if she had one, she would call her cat Brexit: “It wakes me up meowing because it wants to go out. When I open the door, it sits there, undecided. Then it looks daggers at me when I put it out.”


#195

Jeez Balv. You french kiss your mother with that mouth?


#196

nope. just yours.

:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#197

An old man was sitting next to a kid
And he saw the kid eating a lot of chocolate, pack after pack…

So the man asked the kid: do you think it’s healthy for you eating all that chocolate?

So the kid answered: My grandpa died at 100 years old

-And you think it’s because he ate chocolate?

-No, it’s because he minded his own business.


#198

Did you write both of these yourself?


#199

What do u think?


#200

stealing this one.


#201

Do people at nursing homes tell Balv these jokes?