Joke of the day!


#242

On the one hand, but on the other, we may all be dead soon. And who’s going to laugh then?


#243

Too late?


#244

Yeah, about 50 years.


#245

Okay, boomer!!


#246

The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:

  1. How dense the population is.

  2. How dense the population is.


#247

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more…

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My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived…


#248

A Baptist preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas .
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which
was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a similar drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I’d rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
“Me too, I didn’t know we had that choice.”


#249

image


#250

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: “I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?”

“Good question”, noted the Rabbi. “We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh”, replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: “What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?”

“Ah, yes”, replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.”

“I see!” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi”, he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”

“Here, too, we do not waste”, answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”


#251

The year is 2028 and Sarah Burkowitz has just won the presidency making her the first Jewish woman to ever be elected to the highest office.

President-elect Burkowitz calls up her mom…

“Hey mom, I assume you and dad will be coming to my inauguration?”

“Oh, Sarah, I’d love to but you know it’s like a 12 hour drive. You know how it is with my arthritis and your dad’s sciatica. We can’t be in the car that long.”

Sarah chuckles and says, “Oh, mom, I’m going to be the president of the United States. I’ll just send Air Force One and a limo for you guys.”

“Yeah, but what would I wear? Everyone will be dressed all fancy and I don’t have anything like that I can wear.”

“Mom, I am going to have a beautiful custom gown made just for you. You will look ravishing! Seriously, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oh but what would I eat? You know your father and I have very delicate stomachs. I don’t know what we’d eat at those fancy parties.”

Sarah replies, “Mom, that’s already been taken into consideration. I’ve hired the best kosher chefs and they know of your delicate stomachs. I’ve thought of everything, mom. Really, you shouldn’t worry about it at all.”

So it’s January 20, 2029 and Sarah’s parents have decided to attend their daughter’s inauguration. Sarah Burkowitz is being sworn in as President. History is being made. In the front row, Sarah’s parents sit beaming with joy.

Mother Burkowitz leans over to the senator seated next to her and whispers “You see that beautiful woman up there with her left hand on the Torah?”

“Yes, I sure do!” the senator whispers back.

Mom whispers “Her brother is a doctor.”


#252

Ha!


#253

What’s the difference between an onion and a hooker?
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Gharland never cried when chopping up a hooker…


#254

Traditionally, jokes like these were directed at Gharland in the past…


#255

traditionally, i just wanted to bring you back to this thread and see that sexy avatar


#256


#257

CBDPT FTW