Joke of the day!


#41

:thumbsdown:


#42

Monkey worked in a deli and put his cock in the bagel slicer. He got fired…

… and so did she.


#43

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

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She didn’t wear a seatbelt.


#44

:middle_finger:


#45

snookems…is that you?


#46

A guy goes to the whorehouse but he’s strapped for cash.
"What can I get for 5 bucks?”
"5 bucks… That’ll get you a ‘penguin.’ Rose! Come, take this man back and give him a penguin."
Rose takes the man to her room, undoes his pants and starts giving him a blowjob. But right before he is getting ready to come, she gets up and walks away.
The man becomes upset and, with his pants still around his ankles, waddles after her. “Wait, so this is a penguin?!”


#47

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile, and a pyromaniac are at a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

“How about having sex with a cat?” Asked the zoophile.
“Lets have sex with a cat then torture it” said the sadist.
“Lets have sex with the cat, then torture it, then kill it” shouted the murderer.
“Lets have sex with the cat, then torture it, then kill it, then have sex with it again” said the necrophile.
“Lets have sex with the cat, then torture it, then kill it, then have sex with it again, then burn it” said the pyromaniac.
Silence took over…
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then the masochist said:
Meow.


#48

What’s wrong with you?


#49

Chinese takeout: $15.00
Gas to get there and back: $3.00.
Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.
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Riceless.


#50

Booooooooooooooo!


#51


#52

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it…
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He’s gay, definitely gay.


#53

If lesbians don’t like men, then why do they use dildos?

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Because scissoring just doesn’t cut it.


#54

A man walks into a bar and notices a sign
It reads:
-Beer $2 -Cheese Sandwich $1 -Hand Jobs 50¢

The man, sits down and has a few drinks.
Now quite drunk, he looks over at the aging bartender and slurs.
“Are you the woman who gives the Hand Jobs?”
“Yes I am sweetie.” She replies with a wink.
“Well wash your fuckin’ hands bitch, I want a Cheese Sandwich.”


#55

I’m not passive aggressive.

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Unlike some people.


#56

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

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“First offender?” The judge asked. “No” said the bailiff, “First a Gibson, then a Fender.”


#57

What’s the difference between a sorority and a circus?
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A circus has a cunning array of stunts

and a…


#58

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby…
The baby wouldn’t take it, so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”
A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out,
“Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!


#59

2016 The movie:


#60

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is…
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A student puts up his hand and says ‘G’.
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The teacher walks over to him and says, “Why is that, Angus?”