Joke of the day!


#81

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… Dad… I became a prostitute…”
“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, Dad – as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”
“For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…”
“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff…a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.”


#82

Wah Wah Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah


#83


#84


#85

do you see it?


#86

How long did it take you to work that out balv?


#87

Way longer than I wanted


#88

late one evening a guy is closing up the restaurant he works at. He’s sweeping floors and wiping tables, when there’s a knock at the door. He opens the door and standing there is the filthiest bum he’s ever seen. The bum says, “say fella, could you give me a fork?” Well the guy figures, what the hell. He just wants this smelly bum out of his face. He gives the bum a fork and the bum goes away. About 10 minutes later, as the guy is refilling the salt shakers, there’s another knock on the door. Another filthy bum, dirtier and smellier than the last. And again, the bum asks for a fork. Bewildered, the guy hands him a fork and hurriedly closes the door. He’s starting to get mildly freaked out. 10 minutes after that, just as the guy is putting away the mop and preparing to leave there’s a third knock. The guy yanks open the door and sure enough, the raggedest, dirtiest, stinkiest bum ever is standing there. The guy has had enough, he just wants to go home. He yells “HERE, take your stupid fork and leave me alone!” The bum says “but I don’t need a fork, I need a straw!” “What?!” says the guy. “First two bums come asking for a fork, and now you want a straw? What the hell is going on?” “Oh, well that’s simple” says the bum. “Somebody puked on the sidewalk just up the street, but now all the good stuff is gone.”


#89

Nasty


#90

Proper nasty, I just gipped


#91

When I joined this Christian message board I really didn’t expect this type of thing ever to be posted.


#92

Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
So you can tell them apart from feminists.


#93

^^ A good one for first dates(?) ^^


#94

Call it a hunch…

But I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.


#95

You show real promise as a pun meister, Balv

I’ve got some pointers for you, to see you on your way… to greatness!


#96

I regularly think of this clip.

I think his moves on his return from the jukebox to the table is comedy gold


#97

Did I mention? I hate Russian dolls.

They’re just a bit full of themselves.


#98

What do you call children born in whorehouses?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Brothel sprouts


#99

A Native American Boy Walks into His Family Tipi…
The boy looks at his father as he has grown curious in life lately and asks him,
"Dad, why is your name rising sun?"
The boys father looks at him and says,
"Well son, when i was born your grandparents went outside with me and that’s the first thing they saw, the rising sun."
The boy seemed satisfied with the response for a moment then again questioned the father.
"Dad, why is grandpa named waxing moon?"
The boy’s father looks at him and says,
"Well son, when your grandfather was born his parents took him outside and that’s the first thing they saw, a waxing moon. Now tell me, two-dogs-fucking, why have you become so curious?


#100

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wheelchair