Ugh. "Family"


#1

I absolutely hate interacting with most of my family, especially my sisters and particularly on social media since I don’t really see them in person anymore.

They have such a deep codependence amongst them that is an outlying factor of severe mental illness that is clearly a family disease.

They are selfish, greedy and backstabbing and that’s probably the reasons why I exiled myself from them. I don’t acknowledge extended family in any way. I block them on social media when they engage me. Hell, My son does not know my side of his family in the slightest; and, while I remain above ground he never will.

I am the “black sheep” of the family because I don’t have a severe addiction at my age, because I haven’t been married multiple times, because I am actually a very good father and co-parent.

Just recently I have struggled with the idea of pulling the plug entirely. I have nothing to offer them and they are never going to get the chance to show my son how corrupt their hearts and minds are.

Just venting. I needed a real place to park this.

Smoochies.


#2

Cutting people out who suck, whether they are family or not, is one of my specialties. Other than my daughters, I would pull the plug on any member of my family if push came to shove. Not that I have much family to begin with.


#3

You have no obligation to associate with poisonous people, no matter their relation.


#4

Don’t get me wrong. I just said some stuff but I do love my sisters. But I love my son and my relative sanity more.


#5

Nothing wrong with keeping your distance from the toxic people you love. :+1:


#6

Low-key thrilled that the holiday season has been canceled and I get to do Thanksgiving and Christmas with my little family instead of the one I grew up with. It’s hard, @Monkey. But I saw a meme the other day that said something to the effect that the black sheep of the family are the ones who recognize and break generational curses. I felt that, hope you do too.


#7

So I have two sisters, we’re not really that close, which is something my mom seems to think lands squarely on me. I’m not sure why she thinks that, since I’ve made efforts to get closer to both of my sisters and agree to whatever on the off chance I’m asked to do anything (like watch my two nieces).

Three weeks ago my mom tells me that she’s going on a vacation. With my two sisters. I am not invited. I could have been invited, there was literally zero chance of me accepting as I don’t have a passport and have no one to watch my kids; the only consequence of inviting me would have been taking the sting off of being held accountable for bridging the distances in my family by my mother while my mother is simultaneously going on vacation with 3/4 family members. Anyway, she tells me, she needs a break. From what is anyone’s guess as she’s recently gotten rid of all her homesteading responsibilities and does not work. I’m thinking, why are you telling me this? I haven’t been away from my infant son for more than an hour in the entire six months he’s been alive, most of which I’ve been home schooling my six year old, but you need a break and it’s a vacation I’m not invited on with my own family? Like seriously, consider your audience!

Alright, so today. We’re talking about this birthday party happening for one of my nieces on Sunday. She’s going to bring my daughter. I point out to her that my daughter doesn’t have school on Monday, so if she wanted to have her overnight (my mom made my life a living hell when school started because my daughter no longer got to spend one night a week at her house and it “wasn’t fair,” so she told my daughter that any school breaks could be their nights). She says “I’ll have to think about that. I have a whole bunch of things I want to do before my trip.” The trip is on the 19th, it is for four days, she apparently needs 4 days to prepare for being gone for four days. So I say to her…

“Okay, well, yeah, just let me know what you’re thinking since it’s my birthday, and you know, different plans depending on who all is going to be home.”


#8

I’m sorry to hear about the situations you all find yourselves in with family members. That really sucks. Don’t take this personally but reading your posts makes me feel fortunate that I’m most likely going to die alone. I’ll take lonely over aggravated every fucking time. I feel for you guys though. That’s gotta be a tough spot to find yourselves in. Best of luck to all of you. Perhaps, the title of this thread should be changed to Ugh!! “Dysfunctional Family”. No offense.


#9

Jerry, I don’t know how old you are, but why do you think you will die alone? I felt like that at one point.


#10

Pay no mind. That’s just my dark, twisted sense of humor that’s been with me since adolescence. I’m sure there will at least be a nurse and/or hospice employee in the room (texting someone that they’re going to be a little late) when I draw my last breath. Or perhaps my heart will stop beating in the presence of my murderer. And through a technicality I will have not died alone. Fucking silver linings.


#11

I have always believed I will die alone. There can be a crowd standing by and watching to see me off, but during my final step in my cycle of life I will do alone.


#12

Just to clarify, this is not a sad thought or belief of mine… I just feel that last breath or heartbeat is mine alone to the next journey.


#13

Even if you’re married, you have about a 50% chance of dying alone.


#14

You know what though, relaying this anecdote has made me appreciate that I got hurt because I let myself get hurt, and I’m sick of being resentful of my mother. I’ve enrolled in an online course to try to work through what it was like growing up with in my particular family in the hope that I will be able to become a better mother to my own children. I’m on day two, and I already feel it’s been helpful.


#15

ugh that’s annoying/rough/disappointing @saf, sorry to hear this – and the others too.

While I don’t feel like my family is as bad as that, I can relate to feeling like it’s up to me to keep people talking – or maybe just to me? I feel like if I don’t call my siblings I won’t hear from them. I know we’re all busy and all, but it can’t be 100% on me to keep conversations going.

re: dying alone. I definitely think about that too. I’ve had very infrequent girlfriends in my life, and it’s always ended up devastating (read: being cheated on). I don’t really think about my future in the context of getting married anymore, or spending it with someone. Now I just chart my path based on how I can build that recording studio in the house, and of course expanding my guitar collection. I’m a creature of habit/reliability, and I can count on that. Maybe that’s (a big) part of my problem.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to vent/ramble/change the subject; was just trying to empathize with the situation!


#16

As Nick will be the first to tell you, your life can change in an instant. I think it’s admirable that you have goals that you’re working towards that make you happy. I don’t get the sense at all that you’re going to die alone. Your energy projects as very warm and sensitive, and even though you haven’t had nearly as many interactions with me in the 60-odd days that I’ve been here as I’ve had with other members, you stick out as being special and extra kind.

I only really have two friends in real life here, and one of them is about 6 years older than me, so right around 40, and he’s always wanted to get married and have kids, but at the same time has never really pursued it in the decade that I’ve known him. It makes me sad to think that he probably never will, but I also know that when he sends us Christmas cards, he signs them with “love,” and I know that he took a day off from work to be a witness at my wedding, and I know with each one of my kids, he brings presents like hand knitted sweaters his mother made for them… we are kind of like the family he didn’t end up having, and I am thankful to have him in our lives.


#17

Thank you for the very thoughtful response, and very sweet! I appreciate that I seem to come off as such haha :slight_smile:

You come across as a kind heart with a thoughtful, generous perspective, and these few exchanges have been pleasant. That’s great you’ve got a few close friends – I think that’s really the best, at least for me; I’ve got a handful I’m very close with. Certainly your friend sounds like a good person – to me it’s those kinds of people who end up being real family. It always initially strikes me odd when there’s people like that out there that can’t find someone – I say initially because one glance across any BS dating app and you’ll see people like that find no traction.

I just turned 35 in Nov, so perhaps I can relate to him at least age wise. When I was in my 20s I wanted kids. As I get older, I get more skeptical – plus, I feel like I need to clear the hurdle of getting into and maintaining a relationship long enough to really think about that. Almost like I feel like I haven’t “earned” such a thought process. I’m a scientist, so things tend to get broken down into tasks/milestones in my head. Still, I’ve had (literal) dreams about it with a select few women I’ve been with in the past. Or maybe just one.


#18

I think I’m going to break up with my family. This trip was explained to me as a visit to the California redwoods, but was, in fact, a four day trip to my birthplace, Portland, OR. Yesterday my sister revealed that they were touring places of interest regarding my dead father and this morning I was greeted by a photo of their matching tattoos my sisters and mom got together. I think I’m finally done.


#19

That’s henna so it will fade unlike their callousness. Move on and delete those pages. Family doesn’t have to be related. I’m sorry.


#20

Maybe letting them know it bothered you, then see how they react?

Could be the time wasn’t right for you to take that trip anyway…